Daddy goes to Japan’s most sacred shrine. Without us ; (

Now that’s pageantry!

Tattooed daddy has artwork that extends below the belt

Is it OK to ask to see the full tattoo?

John John salutes daddy forever and ever. RIP, Stan Stearns.

Photographer Stan Stearns is dead at 76. John John and daddy are perpetually at the moment of parting. Counting the photographer and Saint Jackie, that’s 4 dead people united in our era’s greatest homage to death.

Congrats Kohei Uchimura

Few things are more moe than gymnastics. But if you add a daddy, a bandage, and some sick hair, well, you truly deserve the gold medal, Kohei Uchimura.

A pattern of dangerous penis-shaped technologies?

Amidst the fear over quakes, water safety, and radioactive fallout, I do not mean to come off as a paranoid conspiracy theorist, or even an antiquated “mother earth” feminist. Still, it is impossible to ignore, in all the dioramas, illustrations, and video footage all the penis-shaped technologies at the heart of Japan’s natural and man-made disaster.

Most obviously, the six reactors at Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant are all boxes (or were boxes, until the explosions) that cleverly conceal what appears to be a giant dildo of radioactive nuclear fuel rods, with torus doughnuts of water at the base and a steel containment vessel pointing this unholy mess of danger and energy sky-ward.

Japan’s protector/daddy/occupier the US military flew its Global Hawk man-less planes to take detailed images of the disaster. These are the drones that support the video distance warfare that delivers bombs throughout Afghanistan, Iraq, and now Libya. It’s good that these planes have some non-military uses, although I nearly spit out my drinking water when I saw on television these giant black penises flying through the air.

The storyline seems to be that we are dependent on reckless technology that happens to look like enormous penises. And that we can only contain the damage they cause by employing their similarly shaped flying cousins. We are then treated to a parade of government officials, energy company spokespeople, and nuclear epxerts– all of whom seem to be male– who promise vaguely that everything is mostly under control.

What is your favorite penis-shaped disaster technology?

Jim Carrey is giving this muscle daddy a pounding

I can’t possibly do better than Queerty.com’s title “Jim Carrey is giving this muscle daddy a pounding.” I believe said muscle daddy might be Ewan McGregor. This outtake from “I love you Phillip Morris” courtesy of Christophe. Thanks for the Monday pick-me-up!

Hot young daddy

I am sure I have mentioned this more than most readers care to know. But I have a major fetish for hot young dads in Tokyo. The babies and toddlers show they are nurturing, and the dads seem to be getting younger and younger. Plus fatherhood doesn’t slow down these men’s fashion.

The husband asked, I don’t know why, is that a woman? Of course, not! This is Japan! But I do wonder if he didn’t steal the baby mama’s shades.

Wishes at major shrine

Visiting a major shrine in Tokyo, I decided to stop and read some of the wishes written on wooden placards. I had thought they would all be about love and world peace. Of course, many are, but some are hilarious. Not sure if it’s bad to read others’ wishes, but they are public and I could not help myself.

Here are some of the best ones in English. Above: “I want a BMW 3 Series with real leather seats and a Bose sounds system and a GPS nav. system with a cute Japanese girl voice and seat warmers so my butt stays warm in the winter.”

“Simon has clear direction in his life and is determined to be + stay debt free with a house that owns . . . . He understands that it is all down to him– go for it tree!!!”

“Wish my daughter Linting (?) come to her senses + break away from Dario completely and never see him again. Wish good health, safe . . . Heal me + let me live a long healthy happy life.”

Below is what all the cards called ema in Japanese look like underneath the giant tree.

More wish cards after the jump.

Japan’s Election

Call me shallow, which my husband often does, but I was disappointed that Japan’s new Prime Minister Hatoyama, who defeated the long ruling LDP in a landslide yesterday, has the looks and charisma of a dead fish. So of course I was thrilled that the TV news coverage included endless coverage of former PM Koizumi’s attractive TV star son who managed to inherit daddy’s seat in a rare LDP and father-son win.

My favorite part of the coverage was when the expertly coiffed son teared up at a campaign press conference. This clip was on constant rotation last night. The boy knows how to act! If anyone can find the Youtube clip, I would be thrilled to post it. Here’s a small still:

Shinjiro, can you become the John-John Kennedy of Japan?

I also savored the grumpy old men who lost and complained that they were defeated by “assassin” female candidates who “stole” votes because they were young and pretty. Although I doubt the new party will change much, if anything, it was satisfying to see the old guard lamenting their lack of appeal.

Here’s one English language video clip about Koizumi Shinjiro and daddy-son politics in Japan.

Daddy-Son Politics

Japan, like many nations, has far too many ugly politicians. Fortunately, this Daddy Son pair from the Democratic Party of Japan are providing some sex appeal, photogenic optimism, and at least a few dirty thoughts. Yes, they can!