Holiday parties & booze

The holidays remind me how fortunate I am to avoid almost all  parties, especially work and family-related. And, until moving to Tokyo, I almost never drank.

Here’s a list of what one New York Times author has overheard at holiday parties. Doesn’t it make you feel safer to be at home in front of the screen?

• “We’re not really budgeted for a vacation this year, what with the exchange rate and my gambling addiction.”
• “I have to apologize for not reading your new book yet. It’s just that the last one was so awful.”
• “That’s a great outfit! It really shows off your breasts.”
• “What I really want is a job where you don’t worry so much about money and prestige. Are there any openings at your place?”
• “So I told human resources flat out, it’s not sexual harassment if I can prove I’m impotent.”
• “Has anyone ever told you that you have the air of a much more successful person?”
• “Sometimes accidental electrocution can be a blessing in disguise, but try telling that to the other mothers in the playgroup.”
• “Did you have some work done? Because, you know, too little too late.”
• “I don’t usually drink this much, but you’re insufferable.”
• “I had pants on when I came in, right?”
• “Aren’t holiday parties great?”

What have you over-heard at holiday parties? I am counting down the hours until the Xmas music is turned off in Tokyo. .